In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
