is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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