Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
