are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
