if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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