ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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