I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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