i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
