Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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