Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
