a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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