well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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