i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
