called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
