Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize