So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
