I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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