I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
