At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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