my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
