someone threw a dead crab at me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
