u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
