So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
