Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So vagazzling was a success
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
