Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
