Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
