If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
