The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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