dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
