you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
