11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
