so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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