I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You've changed since you got that strap on
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize