currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize