i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
