he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
