no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
