i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
