I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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