You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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