Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
