Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
