you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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