ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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