Betty ford says i'm here all night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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