just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
