HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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