Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
