why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're a waste of cheezeits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
