Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
