thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
