Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
