Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
