Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
