Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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