You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize