Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
