Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
