Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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