I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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