I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
