My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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