Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
