12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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