After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
