This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
