you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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