you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
