they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found your dick twin last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
