you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
