For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
