I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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