Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize