Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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