Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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