It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
